Too often, the world asks us to tuck our hopes and dreams and love deep within the pockets of our spirit where nobody can see -but really, the world needs more people who wear their hearts on their sleeves.
“Be tough, be the strong one, be independent, be the person who weathers all storms. No, you can do it. And all by yourself, all you need is a little more focus, a little more determination.”
They don’t talk about how difficult it is to be vulnerable. To open yourself up to be seen. Allowing yourself to love and be loved. The amount of effort that goes into it.
“Opening up to someone means letting them know how to effectively kill you.” You trust them enough not to do the things you’re most afraid of, but how sure are you of that? You let them borrow your heart for them to hold, but what if one day they crush it into pieces? This is essentially why some of us are scared of being in a committed relationship. Some of us aren’t ready for the consequences it comes with.
But then we’re all constantly looking for meaning. Looking for joy while sometimes simultaneously expecting pain. Getting into a space of integrating all these things.
It’s tough, especially when you’re chasing career growth, multiple streams of income, while seeking these connections.
And I did. I recently allowed myself to feel. A friend reminded me that, at the end of it all, you don’t want to end up alone. It’s like Andrew Gibson said, “And when I break it all down, when I whittle it into a single breath, it essentially comes out like this : before I die, I want to be somebody’s favourite hiding place, the place they can put everything they need to survive.”
So I gambled with my heart. And I was not prepared for the amount of patience it requires to get to know someone else genuinely and without judgment.
The grace you often need to extend. A person, who, like me, has their own weaknesses and insecurities?Seeing them for exactly who they are and accepting they are imperfect! Phew!
I appreciate now how brave and courageous it is. Being alone is easy. Building deeper connections requires discomfort. It requires maturity for many things but mostly, to distinguish between chemistry and compatibility. It requires skills and tools to deal with each other’s diffrences. It is work.
You’re consciously putting yourself in a position where other people can hurt you. It means expressing the sides of yourself about which you have the least confidence or certainty, and allowing others to respond to them.
But it is worth it. It’s only by allowing yourself to become someone who might be hurt that you can experience the sense of closeness and fulfillment that vulnerability can bring. By surrendering a certain level of control, a little piece of yourself, that you can experience a sense of knowing another more honestly, and be able to trust more deeply.
But maybe relationships are hard because relationships are us. They are a reflection of who we are, how deeply we are willing to be brave and vulnerable, how much we are willing to love.
If it’s true that we get out of life as much as we put into it, then the same is true of relationships. We get the type of love we are willing to settle for. Relationships require us to be honest with ourselves. They ask us to give of ourselves. To put it all out there. To put our heart on the line.
But intimate relationships are the only thing that really matter in this world. And the things that truly matter are the very same things that require the most of us.
One again I’m reminded that it’s only through taking risks that you gain the rewards.
Sending love, aj.
